How life up and changes on you when you aren't really paying attention. So I find out that I'm pregnant about 3 months ago & while I'm so excited & happy, its been an up & down journey. I can't wait to find out what this precious blessing is in my belly.
I feel like I'm losing myself...I don't know who I am. I don't feel like I'm as strong as I used to be. They just poke at me constantly & act like its not supposed to bother or affect me. It's like they are poking waiting for me to blow up again. My button is wearing out....I don't think it can be fixed.
On another note, I feel lied to by the person who was involved w creating this wonderful blessing inside of me. Maybe I'm just still having a hard time with trusting in general. Some days things are great & awesome between us and other days I really just want to run away & never look back. I just have this aching feeling that he is seeing other people...females...when I can't go out & enjoy time w him because I don't feel good. Who does that??? I mean really...how do u tell me u really like me & want to see where things go w us & want to be around your kid but then turn around do something like that...is it just me or is that just disrespectful? I'm not sure if its true or not but its a feeling that I can't shake.
We haven't made it official and said we are boyfriend/girlfriend but we are trying to be good parents together. While I know right now I'm not in love w him & I'm trying to trust & let my wall & guard down its hard. I do know that I will love him no matter what because he gave me the greatest thing ever & thats my precious blessing I'm waiting to hold in a few months.
I'm just so frustrated & stressed. This is all just making me even more sick & part of the reason why I think I'm not gaining any weight w this pregnancy & that makes me sad & even more frustrated. I toss & turn all night or can't sleep at all & all I do is think about everything everyday.....constantly.
I know at the end of day God has a plan for my & baby's life & He will never put more on me than I can bare. It's just hard some days but I know He's with me.
