Oct 27, 2011

Snowing already....



So here we are in Oct and it snowed all day & is freezing cold outside. It snowed about 2 weeks ago but had melted by the afternoon when the temp went up to the 60s. Today it just got colder & colder....oh well that's Colorado for you....what can you do?

May 25, 2011

Losing myself.....again

How life up and changes on you when you aren't really paying attention. So I find out that I'm pregnant about 3 months ago & while I'm so excited & happy, its been an up & down journey. I can't wait to find out what this precious blessing is in my belly.

I feel like I'm losing myself...I don't know who I am. I don't feel like I'm as strong as I used to be. They just poke at me constantly & act like its not supposed to bother or affect me. It's like they are poking waiting for me to blow up again. My button is wearing out....I don't think it can be fixed.

On another note, I feel lied to by the person who was involved w creating this wonderful blessing inside of me. Maybe I'm just still having a hard time with trusting in general. Some days things are great & awesome between us and other days I really just want to run away & never look back. I just have this aching feeling that he is seeing other people...females...when I can't go out & enjoy time w him because I don't feel good. Who does that??? I mean really...how do u tell me u really like me & want to see where things go w us & want to be around your kid but then turn around do something like that...is it just me or is that just disrespectful? I'm not sure if its true or not but its a feeling that I can't shake.

We haven't made it official and said we are boyfriend/girlfriend but we are trying to be good parents together. While I know right now I'm not in love w him & I'm trying to trust & let my wall & guard down its hard. I do know that I will love him no matter what because he gave me the greatest thing ever & thats my precious blessing I'm waiting to hold in a few months.

I'm just so frustrated & stressed. This is all just making me even more sick & part of the reason why I think I'm not gaining any weight w this pregnancy & that makes me sad & even more frustrated. I toss & turn all night or can't sleep at all & all I do is think about everything everyday.....constantly.

I know at the end of day God has a plan for my & baby's life & He will never put more on me than I can bare. It's just hard some days but I know He's with me.

Feb 21, 2011

Being "buddies"

Why is it that guys claim they want a "buddy" & all they wanna do is smash? However when it really comes down to it they get them and then off to dreamland they go. Guys.....do u really know the meaning of a "buddy"? If u say ur gonna get it in all night then get it in all night! Wth!?!?!?!

Oh and why claim u have no emotional attachment yet u can be the sweetest person ever & then with a flip of the switch you are all unemotional....I don't think I will ever get it ....ugh!

That is all.....
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Jan 15, 2011

What I remember about him

There are so many things I remember about my grandpa...there are days he is constantly on my mind and the memories flood my mind. Then there are days I block it all out because it's just still too hard.
Here is what I remember....
*Him & grandma coming to visit us in Louisiana over the summer
*The grandparents taking me & sister to Myrtle beach & staying at the KOA Camp site
*the grandparents taking us to Disney & seaworld when I was 3/4 yrs old
*going to the construction sites he was working on
*living in New York right next door to him
*going to Bash Bish falls
*going to Friendly's in Great Barrington
*having a special bond w him over the military
*knowing that we share the same ribbons
*him sacrificing to move to Louisiana to help raise us
*spending every Christmas Eve w him
*seeing the pride & joy in his eyes that I was on the Air Force
*knowing that he was a fighter through every surgery he had
*riding in the RV when we were little
*him sitting at home in NY w Tipsy (the cat) on his neck

I still wonder if he was proud of us.....of me....if he'd be upset or mad at me by any of my decision in life. I wonder if he's looking down on me and helping me get through the rough days. I still wake up & wish it was all a dream and he was still here. I think we all still needed him but I think that is selfish and because he was in pain and hurting it's better this way....no matter what I love him & miss him more then he'll ever know.
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Jan 10, 2011

Brought to you by...

The previous 3 posts...

Always on Edge...

Everything has it's place...

This thing called Depression...

All the info is from www.healthyplace.com

Always On Edge....

Generalized anxiety disorder is a relatively common anxiety problem, affecting 3-4% of the population, that turns daily life into a state of worry, anxiety, and fear. Excessive thinking and dwelling on the "what ifs" characterizes this anxiety disorder. As a result, the person feels there's no way out of the vicious cycle of anxiety and worry, and then becomes depressed about life and the state of anxiety they find themselves in.

Generalized anxiety usually does not cause people to avoid situations, and there isn't an element of a "panic attack" involved in the prognosis, either. It's the thinking, thinking, thinking, dwelling, dwelling, ruminating, ruminating, and inability to shut the mind off that so incapacitates the person. At other times, thoughts seem almost non-existent because the anxious feelings are so dominant. Feelings of worry, dread, lack of energy, and a loss of interest in life are common. Many times there is no "trigger" or "cause" for these feelings and the person realizes these feelings are irrational. Nevertheless, the feelings are very real. At this point, there is no "energy" or "zest" in life and no desire to want to do much.

Emotional Fear
This emotional fear and worry can be quite strong. If a loved one is ten minutes late, the person with generalized anxiety fears the very worst -- something's dreadfully wrong (after all, they're ten minutes late!), there's been an accident, the paramedics are taking the person to the hospital and his injuries are just too critical to resuscitate him....."Oh, my God!.....WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?" Feelings of fear and anxiety rush in from these thoughts, and the vicious cycle of anxiety and depression runs wild.

Some people with generalized anxiety have fluctuations in mood from hour-to-hour, whereas others have "good days" and "bad days". Others do better in the morning, and others find it easier at the end of the day. These anxiety feelings and moods feed on themselves, leading the person to continue in the pattern of worry and anxiety -- unless something powerful breaks it up.

Causes of GAD
GAD is associated with irregular levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that carry signals across nerve endings. Neurotransmitters that seem to involve anxiety include norepinephrine, GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), and serotonin.

Norepinephrine is concentrated in the locus ceruleus (nerve cluster that lies near the brain's fourth ventricle). Increased activity in the locus ceruleus is associated with anxiety, and decreased activity in the locus ceruleus diminishes anxiety. Increased levels of GABA and serotonin seem to reduce anxiety. All of these neurotransmitters interact during heightened anxiety.

The psychodynamic theory of psychology sees anxiety as an alerting mechanism that arises when our unconscious motivations clash with the constraints of our conscious mind. This conflict is intensified in people with GAD. Behavioral theory holds that anxiety results from not knowing how to behave in a given situation. The possibility of suffering negative consequences because of inappropriate behavior may result in hesitation and inaction. The anxiety may be generalized to similar situations. For example, anxiety over taking a particular test may be generalized to taking all tests in the future.

Risk Factors for GAD
There are biological and environmental risk factors for GAD, which include the following:

Environmental stressors (e.g., work, school, relationships)
Genetics
Sleep deprivation, sleep inconsistency
Stressful situations in the following areas can intensify symptoms:

Financial concerns
Health
Relationships
School problems
Work problems
Research has shown a 20% risk for GAD in blood relatives of people with the disorder and a 10% risk among relatives of people with depression. There also seems to be a correlation between GAD and other psychiatric disorders, including depression, phobia disorder, and panic disorder. Anxiety is a risk factor for sleep disorders such as insomnia.

Physical Symptoms of GAD
Physical manifestations of generalized anxiety may include headaches, trembling, twitching, irritability, frustration, and inability to concentrate. Sleep disturbances may also occur. Elements of social phobia and/or panic may sometimes be present, such as high levels of self-consciousness in some situations, and fear of not being able to escape from enclosed spaces.

It is also common, but not universal, for people with generalized anxiety to experience other problems, such as a quickness to startle from it, a lack of ability to fully relax, and the propensity to be in a state of constant motion. It is difficult for some people with generalized anxiety to settle down enough to have a quiet, reflective time where they can calm down, relax, and feel some peace and tranquility. Strategies to peacefully calm down and relax are one part in overcoming this problem.

Normal life stresses aggravate generalized anxiety. The person who typically performs well at work and receives a sense of accomplishment from it, all of a sudden finds that work has become drudgery. If work is perceived as a negative environment, and the person no longer feels fulfilled, then considerable worry takes place over these situations. As a result, the anticipatory anxiety about going to work can become quite strong.

Treatment for Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Generalized anxiety has been shown to respond best to cognitive-behavioral therapy, an active therapy that involves more than just talking to a therapist. In CBT, the person gradually learns to see situations and problems in a different perspective and learns the methods and techniques to use to alleviate and reduce anxiety. Sometimes medication is a helpful adjunct to therapy, but for many people it is not necessary. Research indicates that generalized anxiety is fully treatable and can be successfully overcome over the course of about three to four months if the person is motivated and works toward recovery.

Generalized anxiety must be chipped away from all sides and that is what CBT is designed to do. No one has to live with generalized anxiety disorder. Treatment for GAD has been shown to be both effective and successful.

It's important to seek a therapist who understands anxiety and the anxiety disorders. Remember, that just because a person has a degree behind their name, does not mean they understand and can treat an anxiety disorder. Feel free to ask questions of any professional and make sure your therapist understands and knows how to treat generalized anxiety. It is usually a good idea to see a specialist in this area (they don't charge more), but they do have a practice that is geared toward the anxiety disorders.

Jan 6, 2011

Everything has it's place...

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder, an anxiety disorder that shares some symptoms but is more extreme and disabling. OCD is an anxiety disorder characterized by the presence of intrusive or disturbing thoughts, impulses, images or ideas (obsessions), accompanied by repeated attempts to suppress these thoughts through the performance of irrational and ritualistic behaviors or mental acts (compulsions). It is unusual but possible, however, for a patient to suffer from both disorders, especially in extreme cases of hoarding behavior. In some reported cases of animal hoarding, the people involved appear to have symptoms of both OCD and OCPD.

A person with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder tends to be very rigid, controlled, constricted, preoccupied with regulation, orderliness, perfection, things of that type. There is a wish for predictability. There is a resistance to any kind of change. If this person is a boss, they are likely to be a micromanager and have difficulty in delegating things over to other people. But they may be very hard workers. Even workaholics display obsessive-compulsive features.

A person with an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder will have a striking inability to adapt to new routines and have such an eye for detail and perfectionism that they will rarely complete any task on time, if at all.

This means that qualities usually highly regarded - the ability to work reliably and to a high standard - become paralysing. It's easy for such a person to reflect any criticism outwards, saying that they're not understood and nobody appreciates the importance of getting a job done, not only properly, but in the proper way.

What are the signs and symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder?

Obsessive-Compulsives are constantly drawing up and dreaming up lists, rules, orders, rituals, and organizational schemes.

Obsessions and compulsions are about control of self (mental) and others (interpersonal). People with the Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) are concerned (worried and anxious) about maintaining control and about being seen to be maintaining it. In other words, they are also preoccupied with the symbolic aspects and representations (with the symbols) of control.

Inevitably, OCPDs are perfectionists and rigidly orderly or organized. They lack flexibility, openness and efficiency. They tend to see the world and others as at best whimsical and arbitrary and at worst menacing and hostile. They are constantly worried that something is or may go wrong. In this respect, they share some traits with the paranoid and the schizotypal.

It is easy to spot an Obsessive-Compulsive. They are constantly drawing up and dreaming up lists, rules, orders, rituals, and organizational schemes. They demand from themselves and from others perfection and an inordinate attention to minutia. Actually, they place greater value on compiling and following rigid schedules and checklists than on the activity itself or its goals. Simply put, Obsessive-Compulsives are unable to see the forest for the trees.

This insistence on in-depth scrutiny of every detail frequently results in paralysis.

OCPDs are workaholics, but not because they like to work. Ostensibly, they sacrifice family life, leisure, and friendships on the altar of productivity and output. Really, they are convinced that only they can get the job done in the right manner. Yet, they are not very efficacious or productive.

Socially, OCPDs are sometimes resented and rejected. This is because some OCPDs are self-righteous to the point of bigotry.

At Open Site Encyclopedia, author Sam Vaknin writes:

"They are so excessively conscientious and scrupulous and so unempathically and inflexibly tyrannical that it is difficult to maintain a long-term relationship with them. They regard their impossibly high moral, work, and ethical standards as universal and binding. Hence their inability to delegate tasks to others, unless they can micromanage the situation and control it minutely to fit their expectations. Consequently, they trust no one and are difficult to deal with and stubborn.

OCPDs are so terrified of change that they rarely discard acquired but now useless objects, change the outlay of furniture at home, relocate, deviate from the familiar route to work, tweak an itinerary, or embark on anything spontaneous. They also find it difficult to spend money even on essentials. This tallies with their view of the world as hostile, unpredictable, and "bad".

List of Signs and Symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Excessive concern with order, rules, schedules and lists

Perfectionism, often so pronounced that you can't complete tasks because your standards are impossible to meet

Inability to throw out even broken, worthless objects

Inability to share responsibility with others

Inflexibility about the "right" ethics, ideas and methods

Compulsive devotion to work at the expense of recreation and relationships

Financial stinginess

Discomfort with emotions and aspects of personal relationships that you can't control

DSM IV Criteria for Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost

shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)

is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)

is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)

is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value

is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things

adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes

shows rigidity and stubbornness

What causes someone to develop Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder?

No single specific cause of OCPD has been identified. Since the early days of Freudian psychoanalysis, however, faulty parenting has been viewed as a major factor in the development of personality disorders. Current studies have tended to support the importance of early life experiences, finding that healthy emotional development largely depends on two important variables: parental warmth and appropriate responsiveness to the child's needs. When these qualities are present, the child feels secure and appropriately valued. By contrast, many people with personality disorders did not have parents who were emotionally warm toward them. Patients with OCPD often recall their parents as being emotionally withholding and either overprotective or overcontrolling. One researcher has noted that people with OCPD appear to have been punished by their parents for every transgression of a rule, no matter how minor, and rewarded for almost nothing. As a result, the child is unable to safely develop or express a sense of joy, spontaneity, or independent thought, and begins to develop the symptoms of OCPD as a strategy for avoiding punishment. Children with this type of upbringing are also likely to choke down the anger they feel toward their parents; they may be outwardly obedient and polite to authority figures, but at the same time treat younger children or those they regard as their inferiors harshly.

Genetic contributions to OCPD have not been well documented. Cultural influences may, however, play a part in the development of OCPD. That is, cultures that are highly authoritarian and rule-bound may encourage child-rearing practices that contribute to the development of OCPD. On the other hand, simply because a culture is comparatively strict or has a strong work ethic does not mean it is necessarily unhealthful. In Japanese societies, for example, excessive devotion to work, restricted emotional expression, and moral scrupulosity are highly valued characteristics that are rewarded within that culture. Similarly, certain religions and professions require exactness and careful attention to rules in their members; the military is one example. OCPD is not diagnosed in persons who are simply behaving in accordance with such outside expectations as military regulations or the rule of a religious order. Appropriate evaluation of persons from other cultures requires close examination in order to differentiate people who are merely following culturally prescribed patterns from people whose behaviors are excessive even by the standards of their own culture.

What are the risk factors linked to Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder?

Most theories attribute the development of OCPD to early life experiences, including a lack of parental warmth; parental over-control and rigidity, and few rewards for spontaneous emotional expression.

How is Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder diagnosed?

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is estimated to occur in about 1% of the population, although rates of 3%-10% are reported among psychiatric outpatients. The disorder is usually diagnosed in late adolescence or young adulthood.

It is relatively unusual for OCPD to be diagnosed as the patient's primary reason for making an appointment with their doctor. In many cases the person with OCPD is unaware of the discomfort that his or her stubbornness and rigidity cause other people, precisely because these traits usually enable them to get their way with others. They are more likely to enter therapy because of such other issues as anxiety disorders, serious relationship difficulties, or stress-related medical problems. Diagnosis of OCPD depends on careful observation and appropriate assessment of the individual's behavior; the person must not only give evidence of the attitudes and behaviors associated with OCPD, but these must be severe enough to interfere with their occupational and interpersonal functioning.

The differential diagnosis will include distinguishing between obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and OCPD. A person who has obsessions and compulsions that they experience as alien and irrational is more likely to be suffering from OCD, whereas the person who feels perfectly comfortable with self-imposed systems of extensive rules and procedures for mopping the kitchen floor probably has OCPD. In addition, the thoughts and behaviors that are found in OCD are seldom relevant to real-life problems; by contrast, people with OCPD are preoccupied primarily with managing (however inefficiently) the various tasks they encounter in their daily lives.

Some features of OCPD may occur in other personality disorders. For example, a person with a narcissistic personality disorder may be preoccupied with perfection and be critical and stingy toward others; narcissists are usually generous with themselves, however, while people with OCPD are self-critical and reluctant to spend money even on themselves. Likewise, a person with schizoid personality disorder, who lacks a fundamental capacity for intimacy, may resemble someone with OCPD in being formal and detached in dealing with others. The difference here is that a person with OCPD, while awkward in emotional situations, is able to experience caring and may long for close relationships. Certain medical conditions may also mimic OCPD, but are distinct in that the onset of the symptoms is directly related to the illness. Certain behaviors related to substance abuse may also be mistaken for symptoms of OCPD, especially if the substance problem is unrecognized.

As described earlier, diagnosis may also be complicated by the fact that behaviors similar to OCPD may be normal variants within a given culture, occupation, or religion; however, in order to fulfill criteria for the personality disorder, the behaviors must be sufficiently severe as to impair the patient's functioning.

How is Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder treated?
Psychotherapeutic approaches to the treatment of OCPD have found insight-oriented psychodynamic techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful for many patients. This choice of effective approaches stands in contrast to the limitations of traditional forms of psychotherapy with most patients diagnosed with OCD. Learning to find satisfaction in life through close relationships and recreational outlets, instead of only through work-related activities, can greatly enrich the OCPD patient's quality of life. Specific training in relaxation techniques may help patients diagnosed with OCPD who have the so-called "Type A" characteristics of competitiveness and time urgency as well as preoccupation with work.

It is difficult, however, for a psychotherapist to develop a therapeutic alliance with a person with OCPD. The patient comes into therapy with a powerful need to control the situation and the therapist; a reluctance to trust others; and a tendency to doubt or question almost everything about the therapy situation. The therapist must be alert to the patient's defenses against genuine change and work to gain a level of commitment to the therapeutic process. Without this commitment, the therapist may be fooled into thinking that therapy has been successful when, in fact, the patient is simply being superficially compliant.

Medications
For many years, medications for OCPD and other personality disorders were thought to be ineffective since they did not affect the underlying causes of the disorder. More recent studies, however, indicate that treatment with specific drugs may be a useful adjunct (help) to psychotherapy. In particular, the medications known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) appear to help the OCPD patient with his or her rigidity and compulsiveness, even when the patient did not show signs of pre-existing depression. Medication can also help the patient to think more clearly and make decisions better and faster without being so distracted by minor details. While symptom control may not "cure" the underlying personality disorder, medication does enable some OCPD patients to function with less distress.

Prognosis
Individuals with OCPD often experience a moderate level of professional success, but relationships with a spouse or children may be strained due to their combination of emotional detachment and controlling behaviors. In addition, people with OCPD often do not attain the level of professional achievement that might be predicted for their talents and abilities because their rigidity and stubbornness make them poor "team players" or supervisors. Although there are few large-scale outcome studies of treatments for OCPD, existing reports suggest that these patients do benefit from psychotherapy to help them understand the emotional issues underlying their controlling behaviors and to teach them how to relax. Since OCPD sufferers, unlike people with OCD, usually view their compulsive behaviors as voluntary, they are better able to consider change, especially as they come to fully recognize the personal and interpersonal costs of their disorder.

Jan 1, 2011

This thing called Depression...

What Is Depression?
The term "depression" can be confusing since it's often used to describe normal emotional reactions. At the same time, the illness may be hard to recognize because its symptoms may be so easily attributed to other causes. People tend to deny the existence of depression by saying things like, "She has a right to be depressed! Look at what she's gone through." This attitude fails to recognize that people can go through tremendous hardships and stress without developing depression, and that those who suffer from depression can and should seek treatment.

Nearly everyone suffering from depression has pervasive feelings of sadness. In addition, depressed people may feel helpless, hopeless, and irritable. You should seek professional help if you or someone you know has had four or more of the following depression symptoms continually or most of the time for more than two weeks:

Noticeable change of appetite, with either significant weight loss not attributable to dieting or weight gain.
Noticeable change in sleeping patterns, such as fitful sleep, inability to sleep, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much.
Loss of interest and pleasure in activities formerly enjoyed.
Loss of energy, fatigue.
Feelings of worthlessness.
Persistent feelings of hopelessness.
Feelings of inappropriate guilt.
Inability to concentrate or think, indecisiveness.
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide, wishing to die, or attempting suicide. (Note: People suffering this symptom should receive treatment immediately!)
Melancholia (defined as overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief), accompanied by waking at least two hours earlier than normal in the morning, feeling more depressed in the morning, and moving significantly more slowly.
Disturbed thinking, a symptom developed by some severely depressed persons. For example, severely depressed people sometimes have beliefs not based in reality about physical disease, sinfulness, or poverty.
Physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches.
For many victims of depression, these mental and physical feelings seem to follow them night and day, appear to have no end, and are not alleviated by happy events or good news. Some people are so disabled by feelings of despair that they cannot even build up the energy to call a doctor. If someone else calls for them, they may refuse to go because they are so hopeless that they think there's no point to it.

Family, friends, and co-workers offer advice, help, and comfort. But over time, they become frustrated with victims of depression because their efforts are to no avail. The person won't follow advice, refuses help, and denies the comfort. But persistence can pay off.

Many doctors think depression is the illness that underlies the majority of suicides in our country. Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death in America; it is the third leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 24. Every day 15 people aged 15 to 24 kill themselves. One of the best strategies for preventing suicide is the early recognition and treatment of the depression.

Depression can appear at any age. Current research suggests that treatable depression is very prevalent among children and adolescents, especially among offspring of adults with depression. Depression can also strike late in life, and its symptoms--including memory impairment, slowed speech, and slowed movement--may be mistaken for those of senility or stroke.

Scientists think that more than half of the people who have had one episode of major depression will have another at some point in their lives. Some victims have episodes separated by several years and others suffer several episodes of the disorder over a short period. Between episodes, they can function normally. However, 20 to 35 percent of the victims suffer chronic depression that prevents them from maintaining a normal routine.

Depression Triggers
Sadness at the loss of a loved one or over a divorce is normal, but these losses can also be the trigger for a depressive episode. In fact, most major environmental changes can trigger depression. Job promotions, moves to new areas, changes in living space--all can bring on depressive illness. New mothers sometimes suffer with postpartum depression. Birth brings dramatic changes to both their environments and bodies--a combination that can trigger a downward swing in mood. Depression also afflicts many poor single working mothers of young children. These women live with loneliness, financial stress, and the unrelieved pressure of rearing children and maintaining a household without another's help.

Everyone experiences variations in mood -- transitory blues, disappointments, the normal grief that accompanies the loss of someone you love. But a severe or prolonged depression that interferes with the ability to function, feel pleasure, or maintain interest is not a mere case of the blues. It is an illness. Researchers have demonstrated that it results from biochemical imbalances in the brain.

Depressive Illness, also referred to as Affective or Mood Disorder, attacks millions of Americans and is often fatal; yet few people are being properly treated or even diagnosed. The costs of this neglect, both in terms of human suffering and economic loss, are staggering.

Depressive Illness is among the most common and destructive of illnesses prevalent in the United States today. In addition to major depression, many people suffer from manic depressive illness (bipolar disorder) which is characterized by radical mood swings from severe depression to exaggerated, inappropriate elation.

An estimated 35-40 million Americans living today will suffer from major Depressive Illness during their lives. For each person directly suffering, three or four times that number of their relatives, employees, associates, and friends will also be adversely affected.

Of those 35-40 million afflicted, a substantial percentage will commit suicide if not treated with appropriate medication.

In terms of human suffering, the consequences of untreated depression are beyond measure. They include loss of self-esteem, "self-medication" with alcohol and drugs, family and career disruption, chronic disability and, in many cases, death. Suicide is now the second leading cause of death among children and adolescents.

Those Who Suffer Blame Themselves
Even among those suffering from Depressive Illness, most do not know they have a treatable illness. Most blame themselves and are blamed by others. This leads to the alienation of family and friends who, if they knew of the illness, would be likely to offer support and help find effective treatment.

There Are Several Causes of Depressive Illness
There are probably several causes of Depressive Illness and several different types of depression. Recent research shows that depression runs in families. The most severe form, bipolar disorder, is most likely inherited.

Certain environmental situations, such as stress or breakup of important attachments, may precipitate depression, especially in vulnerable persons.

Research is underway to understand the interaction of genes and environment, and precisely what is inherited.

Symptoms of Depression and Manic Depression
The symptoms of Depressive Illness are highly recognizable, both to those affected and to those closest to them, once they are told what to look for.

Here is a checklist of symptoms of Depressive illness:

Loss of energy and interest.
Diminished ability to enjoy oneself.
Decreased -- or increased -- sleeping or appetite.
Difficulty in concentrating; indecisiveness; slowed or fuzzy thinking.
Exaggerated feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or anxiety.
Feelings of worthlessness.
Recurring thoughts about death and suicide.
If most of these symptoms last for two weeks or more, you probably have Depressive Illness. Sometimes depression alternates with "mania" and is called Manic-Depressive Illness.

Manic Depression causes mood swings creating periods with the following symptoms:

A high energy level with decreased need for sleep.
Unwarranted or exaggerated belief in one's own ability.
Extreme irritability.
Rapid, unpredictable emotional change.
Impulsive, thoughtless activity, with a high risk of damaging consequences (i.e., stock speculations, sudden love affairs, etc.).

End of 1 year...Beginning of another...

So in short 2010...let me see....SUCKED!!!!
There were a few great moments...
-I went to ATL for my sister's babyshower.
-My beautiful niece Isabel Nicole was born 2 days before my birthday.
-I got to spend my sister's 30th birthday with her.
-I became my niece's God Mother and watched as my sister got baptized.
-I got to spend Isabel's 1st Christmas with her and she got a ton of stuff from her TiTi!
There were also sucky moments...
-Realized that my job sucks and how much I hate the ppl I work with.
-Realized that most people are only out for themselves.
-Got diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCPD. Yay me...not really...
-Started going to therapy.
-My hero and heart...my grandpa died...the cancer got the best of him and he couldn't live in pain anymore.


I'm hoping 2011 is a bit better but I guess we will have to see...

Dec 8, 2010

Been gone for awhile....

Been gone for a few months but now I'm back hopefully....with what's going on in my mind...
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